DESIRE

TEXT

At first it is a saunter, then it becomes a trot, and finally we run toward each other; it is something like – enthusiasm that leads to closeness. Is there belonging in an embrace? No, never completely. We can glimpse it in that one step backward, an indecisive look, a pause. Despite the inexplicability, we give up. That’s how we waste the opportunities in whose potential we do not believe. Enough.

 In the fog we see a glimpse of a silhouette, but it does not approach us, instead it heads in the opposite direction. Between breathing in and breathing out, in that one second that skilfully conceals our desire to belong, we hang onto the very words that were written out mere moments ago. After all, neither they nor we – remain.

And it seems that all our attempts at forever belonging to spaces appear clumsy, but we can belong to them today. Now that you know that nothing remains, dance that wondrous game irregular with touch. At the point where every new notch in the sand is just an attempt that leaves no trace. The wind will blend it all together and leave it levealled. And you will no longer know where you belong. Despite it all, keep dancing, dancing for space. Perhaps the wind won’t come by after all, and the sea might pull a little further away from the shore, leaving you a little more room to play. Uncertainty is the only certainty. Farewell.

All the prettiest stories I leave unfinished, and they become a song, a wave, a sea foam which emerge from the water, become covered with sand and then cling to someone else’s feet, bound to dance their way through space. Space of undesirable ends.

I stand by a world besides itself, in order for us to perpetuate eternity together. I blend with the wind and the sand. I give myself over to the weeds and the water.In my memories there sway the images that I do not want to forget, I give them new shapes. Now that they are in front of me, it’s all vivid and real. We sail paper boats down the river and they never sink, they simply blend with the surface. We last bravely and endlessly. It’s as if I can touch you. We are breaking through all the sad boundaries that have kept us from feeling this close. In the embrace – in between a small piece of heaven, earth, grass and water, you – I belong to.

©Tina Bikic